4.45pm Easter Sunday 2012 my life changed for ever. My dreams vanished.
My husband of exactly 30 years died. We were in our home in Spain celebrating our 30th wedding Anniversary at the time when his aorta ripped. Breaking my heart at the same time.
I was 54, with two grown up children and four young foster children.
In retrospect he had a Golden Death. He had spent the morning cleaning out the garage, a very male activity that I had every intention of helping him with! We had jointly cooked lunch together and it was delicious, I can still taste the lamb even now. He went and had a siesta – an hour or so later I offered him a cup of tea which he gratefully accepted. And then it happened.
Dealing with the aftermath – Who comforts whom? Where does the adrenaline come from? Should you take sleeping tablets? Who? What? Why?
I had so many questions.
I needed hand holding – and I am strong woman. I sought advice from any quarter I could find. One of the best bits of advice that hit home with me was from Shirley, aged 78. Shirley had equally lost her husband when she was in her 50’s. She told me “not to become bitter and alienate my children”. She had and is still feeling the repercussions today.
After finding a way to deal with this new situation I found myself in, it dawned on me how little information there was out there for the older generation. What was everyone else doing who found themselves in the same position as me?
I formed my company Grey Matters Consultancy because I wanted to give the older person a voice. I wanted to provide guidance and assistance to those nearing retirement or to those who have responsibility for their care.
I experienced first hand how difficult it can be to navigate through the options and solutions available for individuals and families who have to make changes as a result of illness or other circumstances. And I wanted to be able to help other people like me.
Death is just one consequence of aging. The journey can be amazing and older people deserve the best in life
If you would like some help or advice on any topic, please contact me on 077 5208 6507 or via email at caroline@grey-matters-consultancy.com. If I don’t know the answer then I will research it for you.
